PIcking Up the Pieces

If this were a baseball game, I'd be out.  If these are crimes committed, I'd be off to prison for life.  But this third failure was an IUI.  So after I caught my breath following Aunt Flow's third devastating blow to my gut (or really my uterus), I had to my some tough decisions. 

It's not that I'm making these decisions on my own, I have a very supportive, yet practical wife.  We're different in a sense that she knows the mone tree has gone bar and that it's time to stop (for now) and I don't give a shit and will charge it or take out a loan.  This is why I'm in debt and she's not.  I've never let a little thing like money stand in my way of life.  Yes it sucks paying the credit card bills every month, but I've been places and done things so it's the price I (continue to) pay.

But I digress... I believe Steph and I came to a compromise.  We have one more vial of our donor at the RE's.  We're going to take a month off for financial, physical and mental reasons I definitely need this break, and then try one last time at this place.  If for some horrible reason this doesn't work, I will be switching my insurance during October's Open Enrollment Period to (I can't believe I'm saying this) Kaiser to continue trying in January when the new insurance kicks in.  It's A LOT less expensive.  I've had a handful of friends use their fertility services and be sucessful and I hear having a baby with them was a wonderful experience as well.  I"m hoping the switch won't be necessary, but it's my "Plan B." 

When we started I didn't expect it to take this many times.  But with each failure I began asking friends how many times it took them.  A year and half, 13 tries, 17 tries and two one timers.  UGH with my age, the deck was stacked against me and I finally accepted that.  Because paying for this stuff out of pocket is NOT helping with the stress and I truly want us to have a family.  So when insurance starts picking up part of the cost, I will be much less stressed.   

I know my wife will make an amaing parent, and my instinct tells me I will be one too.  It's a shame I waited so late in life to figure all this out.  So I'm hoping this time off will be just what this ol' uterus needed.